Disconnect to Reconnect
To be honest with you all, I don’t even know where to start with this blog.
It seems I’ve been off the map for so long now, but I’ve gone through a wave of “disconnecting” with social media in order to “reconnect” with myself. 2018 has so far been nothing short of a powerful year, but it seems the last thing I wanted to do was post a picture of myself doing a bicep curl at the gym.
If you’ve been following me for a while, you know authenticity is my main priority. I want to share the real deal of my experience with you, not just some “filler instagram pictures” to get a few likes. I’ve taken time away from the online world, but it was a necessary step to undergo the exploration of my purpose and meaning on this new level of my life’s path. I knew the only way to attain the mental clarity I needed was to take a few steps back in order to once again move forward.
And now, I’ve come full circle.
Holistic Nutrition school is coming to an end. I’ve reached a point in my program where I am able to take everything I’ve learned to create my own understanding; I can draw my own connections and I’ve reached a new level of knowledge for how the human body works. It’s that pivotal moment where I can take health into my own hands in an entirely new way. It seems this growth has come at a perfect timing as my own help in this area is exactly what I need.
After my last show, my body was never the same.
I stepped off the Toronto Pro stage in June 2017, and had been in and out of doctor appointments trying to figure out what I felt. For one, I was putting weight back on at an alarming rate; I was eating clean foods and had finally overcome my disordered eating pattern, but it seemed all that work didn’t matter. Test results came back “fine”, so I thought to myself.. Maybe it's just my body, maybe it's just the after-shock of the extreme dieting or competing in a fitness competition. Months went by and my weight had climbed back up to the heaviest I’d been, not moving despite any of my effort. It didn’t matter how much cardio I did, how “healthy” I ate, or how hard I worked out. Naturally, I blamed myself, and fell in an anxious pattern of confusion.
To the doctor, my results were “in the healthy range”, but the problem with disease and illness is it begins well before this numerical value.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not discrediting doctors at all - they are brilliant people in brilliant professions - but the problem is the profession is most often taught to treat conditions only after they turn into problems, and not always catch the associated risk.
As my studies continued months down the line, I was able to fit my pieces together. I began to connect what had been going on behind the scenes, and what had been behind the symptoms I couldn’t seem to shake. A few months ago, I re-took my blood work and was able to read the results on my own. It turned out I was far from healthy, especially for my age and for the kind of lifestyle that I live. I don’t touch processed foods, I eat a balanced diet - natural and organic, I hardly ever eat refined sugar, I live for fitness, and I am an advocate for a healthy mind - to be suffering from chronically low energy, anxiety, and an inability to lose weight seemed ludicrous for someone who was said to be “in the healthy range”.
A healthy female at my age should not have blood sugar elevated to a near pre-diabetic range, she should not have a poor conversion of thyroid hormones, and she should not have adrenal fatigue.
My doctor had only considered half of the story, and missed the red flags that my individual lifestyle could bring. I’m a professional athlete, and my body has gone through a great deal; I’m not a number - and neither is illness or disease. There is a myriad of “cause and effect” for every personal file, and I do not believe in a one size fits all kind of approach. A weakened thyroid organ in a fitness competitor is as serious as a smoker with a family history of lung cancer - the overall information paints an important picture to consider in the prevention as well as the next step to take.
In retrospect, I am thankful I became empowered at the time that I did. I’m on a journey of uncovering my own health, and what better time as I near the graduation of my program. They say you can’t fill from an empty cup, and I wholeheartedly believe in the importance of being able to heal yourself before working with anyone else. Out of this, I’ve developed a strong passion for pathology; I once thought my favourite subject at school would be sports nutrition, instead I became fascinated by the study of disease. I am obsessed with finding every single deficiency behind any sort of illness, identifying the root cause, and learning how to support the environmental conditions for the body's healing.
One thing we take for granted is the natural intelligence of our body; our body has the innate ability to heal itself, as long as we diligently provide it with the proper conditions to succeed.
Today, I’m still running in and out of the lab and waiting for more test results before I can decide clearly on the next step to take. I’ve been confirmed with hypothyroidism and adrenal fatigue, however the elevated blood sugar is tells a more complicated story. As much as I could, I’ve stayed grounded and strong - I don't find it conducive to let my mind run wild with “what if’s”.
I’m waiting patiently in the present moment for the answer, and I know I’ll be ready when it comes.
Xo, To be continued..