This is one thing I would go back in time to tell my former self on a day I felt my life crash down on me.
It started off like any other morning, I was rushing out my door as a notoriously late University student. I ran through hundreds of packed students on what I now recognize as an “auto-pilot” state. I was just trying to get by – living up to the expectation that everyone else had of me; go to class, finish this paper, graduate with grades that will find you a “good job with security” – that’s how I was told I would live a good life.
As time went on, I felt that lie fade.
I can’t quite explain what happened to me in the midst of the chaos, but as I was walking through the commons sandwiched like a sardine I stopped to break out into spontaneous tears.
I woke up to the “honesty” of my life, and it hit me hard. I spent my days living an empty life; I was going to school for something I had no interest in, and as a result I wasted time and a lot of money nearly failing my courses. The last year flashed though my mind’s eye and I saw how I had become so apathetic to my sense of purpose; come to think of it, I didn’t even know what that was. I was lost. I never took the time to think about MYSELF; what I truly wanted or needed in my life, and what made me happy. As a result of spending so much time caught up living for others – straying so far from the truth of my authentic path – I entered a very dark time. I woke up in a major crisis; I was truly anxious and depressed. Yet, this time I had enough; instead of ignoring this feeling I knew the time came to create a major life change.
I didn’t know where to start.
This anxious feeling was so overwhelming, so I decided the first thing I needed was a release. I found refuge in the gym; there was no feeling quite like letting all my daily frustrations out on the weights.
What I didn’t expect was the turn of events this created; it was physical exercise that created space for revelations to pour into my mind. The answers to so many of my questions started to illuminate a new path ahead of me. My life was transforming – I was aligning to my true purpose and I felt the fulfillment I had been missing for a long time.
I found myself through physical training; I found what I loved, I renewed my passion for life, and I recreated my life’s direction. I became so passionate about how fitness transformed my life that every fibre of my being KNEW it was an integral part of my purpose to lead others in the same way.
I created my brand – Find Your Fire – out of the same core values I’ve used to find success in my own life.
My personal journey did not stop there however, and I soon realized this “personal destruction” was only the preceding gift for levelling up in life – this was the beginning of my ongoing, evolutionary transformation.
I immersed my entire life into fitness and it brought me so much joy. I was “addicted to the process” as they say, and it came at no surprise to find myself in the sport of bodybuilding; through competing in a category called “Fitness”, I was able to tie my two greatest passions together – physical training and dancing.
As a Professional Fitness athlete, I’m able to share pieces of my heart and soul through my dance choreography. Growing up a competitive dancer for 14 years, this meant the world to me. I quickly became obsessed with the mental and physical challenge bodybuilding gave me, and I was so thankful to have manifested a life where I could be back dancing on stage.
I absolutely adore the art of bodybuilding because of the mental growth it has allowed in my life, it allowed me to build my character in the practice of discipline, and total focus and concentration. It allowed the space for self-observation and spiritual illumination; I have acquired so many lessons I will forever carry on in my life; however, like anything, there was a downside to be faced.
I became so extreme in my work, no amount of progress was enough for me. I pushed my body beyond my human capacity, and I paid the price. Three years later, my hard work had earned my sought after professional status with the international IFBB PRO league, however I came out of the process with an disordered eating, body dysmorphia, hypothyroidism, adrenal fatigue, and a lot of anxiety.
I enrolled in holistic nutrition school because no doctor could give me the answers I needed; test results claimed I was in a “healthy range”, yet I felt horrible, depressed, anxious, stressed, tired all the time, and I had been putting weight on at an alarming rate. At a time that seemed all too Divinely aligned, I acquired the knowledge of pathology at the exact time I needed to learn how to save myself.
Becoming a holistic nutritionist completely transformed my life yet again; it helped me overcome many imbalances, and most importantly, bridge the gap in what “health & fitness” should be.
Do I regret bodybuilding for what happened to my body?
Not one bit.
I have learned so much in the process and can now resonate with so many people through my experience. I understand what it’s like to be controlled by food, I understand what it means to wake up with little to no energy, I understand what it’s like to feel hopeless, disconnected from my body, and I understand the mental / emotional battles that follow these states. I understand what it feels like to have no answer – causing you to ask the question, is this how it’s going to be for the rest of my life?
The answer is no, this does not have to be the rest of your life – emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually; wellness & personal evolution is your birthright. I truly believe there is a gift in all adversity, and it is none other than the fuel to the fire for your highest self.
It is through PHYSICAL FITNESS & HOLISTIC HEALTH that I am passionate about leading people in the same way I’ve led myself through my personal transformation and success; it is my life’s purpose to provide my expertise in both nutrition & training to facilitate a shift your mindset, leading you to your own greatness.
I am so passionate about helping people in the same way I’ve learned to help myself.